Dealing with Tragedy

So this post is simply to offer some words of encouragement.  Today I received some devastating news.  After years of battling cancer my friend, Aliyah Howard, passed away.  It's always hard losing someone and this situation wasn't any easier.  She was an awesome person and being around her was always enjoyable.  She had been through a lot but she was the same unrelenting and fun person to the end.   She will be missed greatly but my memories of her will be cherished.  My prayers and thoughts go out to her family and friends as we all try to cope with this tragic loss.  

Sometimes life deals some pretty powerful blows whether it be death, poverty, or any other event and/or circumstance.  Resistance to the struggle is futile, there's no way around it you just have to go through it.  It's gonna be alright.  Allow yourself to feel however it is that you are feeling but don't dwell.  If you're angry be angry, if you're sad be sad, and if you're utterly devastated then you have every right to be.  Just go ahead and feel it then when the time is right (and trust me it's different for everyone) allow yourself time to heal.  Wounds heal slowly especially emotional wounds.  Take your time there's no rush.  People should understand and if they don't then you should evaluate your relationship with those people.  If you don't allow yourself to heal you'll never be as close to the former you that you were before (I say as close, because every tragedy changes us no matter how small it's a change and sometimes you just can't go back).  It's like breaking a bone, if that bone doesn't heal properly then you'll have some serious complications later.  So take your time....


I know that I haven't posted anything pertaining to 'My Active Prepared Life' but this week has been a very tough one for thus far.  I promise I will get back to those posts as soon as possible.

Thank you for reading.

Healthy Social Circle

"A true friend sees the good in everything, and brings out the best in the worst of things"

Sasha Azevedo 

About two weeks ago I went to lunch with an acquaintance who I hadn't seen in a while until  she contacted me this past month to set up a lunch date.  I was a little suspicious initially because her reasoning behind the invite was to get clarification.  Basically, she wanted to know why we were no longer friends.  The situation/friendship itself was toxic to say the least so when it came to me cleansing myself and surroundings of negative entities (something I'll discuss later as it's vital to a balanced life)  all unhealthy relationships had to go also.

"Misery loves company."

John Ray

Your mental, physical, spiritual, and social health is of utmost importance.  Cleansing your social circle and cultivating a healthy circle of friends is necessary if you want to obtain a balanced life.  If your friends are negative and disrespectful then it's going to affect you either directly or indirectly.  Others who are looking at you will ultimately believe that you are also negative and disrespectful.  You have to separate yourself from those types of people.  If getting you involved with their most recent bout of drama is their primary goal in every conversation then you have to assess if they're friends that are worth keeping.  Your interactions with those around you (especially friends) should leave you with an uplifting feeling.  If a relationship does not give you the support that you need then you should consider distancing yourself from those people and those types of situations.  People who are miserable are comparable to crabs they will grab onto you and try to pull you down with them. 
  

"Inhale peace, exhale excellence"

Unknown

When we take in positive energy we do more good for ourselves and others.  This is what I had to explain to my friend at lunch.  Her issues and the way she handled them were what made me decide to distance myself and end communication with her.   We all have problems and issues that may arise but generally when they come about we look for ways to fix them.  However, some people only use those problems and issues to add to their already abundant cluster of mess.  Drama is entertaining to them.  They need that in order to feel as though they are living fulfilling lives.  It's awful and twisted because no matter what advice or how many solutions you give them they will only find something murkier and more damaging to submerge themselves in.  You would be wasting your energy, time, and intelligence on people who never had any intentions on getting better.  In essence, you would only be depleting yourself.  That is energy that could be put into accomplishing something that is actually attainable.  Don't kill yourself trying to help those who don't want to be helped.

  

Letting go is hard and it's uncomfortable.  No one wants to be told that they did not make the cut.  I know some people who I distanced myself from that are now my enemies.  Though I think that if one of my friends told me that our relationship was unhealthy I would be upset at first but ultimately that threat of losing a friend would trigger some self evaluation.  The friends that I have are people that I truly care about so I will do some soul searching to see if what I do or how I behave as it pertains to our relationship is actually detrimental.  If it is then some change needs to happen and if not then we can both go our separate ways and just know that we were headed down two different avenues.  Friendships should never leave you feeling empty.    

Lesson Learned: Don't Lend Money to Friends

These do not exist.

Oh, young silly me!  How naive of me to believe that everyone that makes a promise is pressured by some noble obligation to keep that promise made. If only they were, then maybe I wouldn't be out of nearly $1000 all at once.  In case you're wondering, this rant is about lending money and why I believe it is a horrible thing to do.  Okay, let me rephrase myself...lending anyone money with the expectation of actually receiving any of that money back is a bad idea.  Much better.

Why lending money (with the expectation of repayment) is a bad idea?

1.  Well the indication that you want to be repaid makes me honestly believe that you may have needed that money.  So if you need that money why would you give it away?  You worked hard for that, use it for what you need.  

2.  It creates tension.  No one likes owing anyone.  I have never seen a situation where the situation hasn't been tense or caused some dispute.  Oh, and don't even think of involving a contract. It now makes the other person feel as though you think they're not trustworthy.  Contracts are for banks not friends.

3.  You're not helping them (more towards repeat borrowers).  Why do they need to borrow money?  Well, I'd like to think it's because they don't have any at the time (or ever).  Why don't they have money?  Maybe, their job doesn't pay well or maybe their lack of money is due to horrible financial planning, in either case the real problem isn't fixed simply because you alleviated their financial worries for the moment.

In any case lending money is just a bad practice, now this isn't to say that you can't give away money. You can do that but only if you have it to spare.  Anything (as far as money is concerned) outside of charity is a no-go.  True friends are hard to come by, don't let financial issues come between friendship.

Balance, Happiness, and Confidence

'My life is a place of balance, happiness, and confidence.'

Life for most part is confusing and things happen that cause you to doubt yourself and those around you.  Some doubt is okay because it allows you to assess yourself, your situation, and the people you associate with.  That assessment is often a catalyst for change that can push you towards becoming a better person.  However, constant doubt is in no way healthy or needed.  It contributes to disruptive and harmful behavior that may damage you and your relationships.  Our 'nonbelief' or constant doubt of our abilities will only cause us to fulfill what we believe thus furthering our disappointment and digging us deeper into self doubt.  

So how exactly do we combat those negative beliefs, those persistent nagging thoughts of self doubt?

I choose to employ positive affirmations.  I start my day out with positive affirmations whether they're simple or complex (for those days that seem unbearable).  There's truth to the statement 'it's never as bad as it seems'.  Situations seem terrible because of how we view them.  Change your view and you ultimately change the situation and how you feel about it.  Positive affirmations help you to develop a positive outlook for every situation.  So every morning I try to start my day with a positive affirmation.  I say it out loud because to me it's a little more real that way.  Sure it may be childish whimsy but once you say it out loud it's just that much closer to being tangible.  

In case you're having some trouble coming up with affirmations of your own I've listed a few of my favorites for you.

1. I have no reason to doubt myself or my abilities.  I am a child of God and doubt does not belong where He is.  Where I am, He is.
2. Everything I need is right where I am, I just have to recognize it.
3. I am more than capable of accomplishing what I set out to do today.
4. In love, I deserve the best and I will not settle for anything less. Nor will I give anyone anything less than what I feel I deserve.
5. I know that today will be a great day because if I think it I can feel it and if I feel it then it must be real.

Oh and my personal favorite:

I will put on my big girl panties (or big boy britches) and deal with whatever comes my way!

Our own doubt and disbelief in ourselves, our abilities, and relationships contribute to our failure.  Don't get in your own way.  Wake up every morning (every afternoon...whenever) and remind yourself of how great you are, how great you can be, and how your dreams can come true.  Hey, maybe our affirmation for today should be 'today is the day our dreams will come true.'




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